Did something happen?
Today's announcement that carbon-based life forms "homo sapiens sapiens" (or "humans") on Earth have agreed new classifications regarding the status of various solar-system objects has been greeted with a muted reaction from those reclassified.
In what humans are reported to consider a snub to humanity, the trajectories of all bodies continued in line with the Plan.* There was not even the widely-predicted condemnation of Earth-based presumption. Nothing happened, everything continued correctly; early reports of an angry jolt in the orbit of Pluto have since been explained as a door slamming.
* Link may be corrupted and refer to a bastardised, sapiosapiocentric interpretation of the Plan.
The ruling by homo sapiens sapiens is not as extreme as had been feared by some human commentators, but nonetheless means - nothing. (Or, technically, almost nothing, gaining a lower ranking from the Galactic Significance Indicator than anything previously submitted for consideration.)
One non-homo sapiens sapiens entity allegedly broke ranks with the cold reception from the rest of the solar system - some humans claim to have received a message from Ceres, stating that nothing but full planetary status will be conducive to establishing diplomatic relations, but this has not been confirmed.
Not submitted for GSI assessment - and so presumably of even less importance than the human reclassification - were the following:
during the course of the meeting which made this reclassification:
- roughly 100,000 homo sapiens sapiens died as a result of lacking access to clean drinking water
- 98% of the human population of Earth suffered some boredom during the past week (the remaining 2% having no conception or being exempted from counting for other reasons)
- one thousand (1000) of Earth homo sapiens sapiens "women" died due to unsafe abortions
- roughly one-hundred-and-ninety billion homo sapiens sapiens americus dollars (190,000,000,000) of military expenditure took place, enough to prevent all of the above and buy ice cream for everyone, for ever and ever. Good ice cream - or granita if you prefer.
But what do I know? I'm only God.
posted by chris at 10:37 AM
5 Comments:
Is it perhaps on the grounds that they realised Pluto is more akin to an asteroid, and therefore the onorous task of naming ALL the asteroids would fall on someone's head for fear of causing offence to some unknown asteroidian species that values homosapien naming conventions? There are lots of rocks in space. I want one to be called Dave.
But do you need the International Astronomical Union to designate it "Dave"? Would it mean more to you (I'm interested, answer honestly) if for your birthday somebody were to buy IAU recognition of a rock as being "called" Dave, than if they were to tell you they consider a rock to be called Dave? Either way, Dave (the rock) could have adventures, or whatever. And I daresay there are some who would love nothing more than to name rocks for ever.
I won't offer to consider a rock as named Dave, as it would seem bitter, even though it wouldn't be.
I'd like to 2nd the motion of a rock called dave.
I resent your presumption, the Groll. As God, I see fit to reclassify such objects as and when. Working mysteriously through the IAU, to keep your earthy affairs interesting/boring/scornful. Mocking the pettiness of My works will have to posted to Ceres on a diplomatic outreach, with no space boots. First warning.
As god, you surely belong here. And anyway, i hear Ceres has the solar system's only perpetual Spring
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